“Go to the Kitchen and Serve My Grandson—and Be Quick About It!” — The Prospective Mother-in-Law Mistook Her Son’s Girlfriend for a Servant
Lena discovered that her husband was leaving her entirely by accident. She came home earlier than usual and found him doing something highly unusual: for the first time in his life, he was packing his own travel bag.
Elena entered the room and silently watched for several seconds as he struggled to fold a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. He was doing such a terrible job that Lena decided to ease his suffering.
“Come on, let me help you. Who folds clothes like that?” she said, unable to watch any longer, as she approached her husband from behind.
He jumped in surprise, even though he had never been an athletic man.
“Lena?!”
“What?” She quickly packed the clothes he had pulled out of the wardrobe. Her husband did not even have time to explain where he was going. “Are you leaving on another business trip? Should I make you some pancakes for the journey?”
“Well… I wouldn’t say no.”
“All right. I’ll change out of my dress and put on my robe.”
Lena hummed her favorite song under her breath while her husband searched through the drawers for anything else valuable he could take with him. The apartment belonged to Lena, and he had already realized that the only property he could claim was movable property—preferably something that would fit inside his travel bag.
“Will ten pancakes be enough?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like condensed milk on them?”
“Sour cream would be better.”
Lena took a container of twenty-percent-fat sour cream from the refrigerator. Before opening it, she finally asked her husband:
“Are you going far? Won’t the sour cream spoil?”
“It’s nearby. The next building over.”
At first, Lena did not pay much attention to his answer. But after thinking about it for a moment, she put the container aside.
“I don’t understand.”
“Well… I’m leaving you for another woman. I’m going to file for divorce. Thanks for the pancakes.”
The man shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other, picked up the container of pancakes, and headed for the door.
Lena remained frozen in the kitchen, still holding the frying pan.
When the meaning of his words finally sank in, she ran outside exactly as she was—wearing her robe, apron, and carrying the still-hot frying pan.
Fortunately for her husband, he had already loaded his belongings into a taxi and managed to escape right from under Elena’s nose. At that moment, she had been ready to do absolutely anything.
She had no choice but to return home.
The frying pan grew cold, and the sour cream began to turn bad. Perhaps it was because of the summer heat—or perhaps because of Lena’s mood.
“He left me for another woman! And I packed his things for him with my own hands!” she cried after calling her friend.
“What do you mean?”
Between tears and sobs, Lena told her everything.
“He left! How am I supposed to live now?”
“The same way everyone else lives, Lena. You’ll manage.”
“I can’t live alone!”
“Yes, you can.”
“No, I can’t!”
“Then go and stay with your son.”
“I’ll only be in the way there.”
“Get a dog.”
“My husband is allergic to animal fur.”
“Your husband left you! What difference does it make what he’s allergic to?”
“Maybe he’ll come back?” Lena asked hopefully.
In response, her friend gave her a long lecture about how, after the age of fifty, a woman needed to learn to be self-sufficient and enjoy life not only when her husband was beside her, but also when she was alone.
Nevertheless, her friend’s words did not have the desired effect.
Elena could not find any peace.
“How could I have failed to notice? He must have been living with another woman at the same time. Perhaps I didn’t give him enough attention. Why did I ever sign up for those sewing classes? I should have stayed home and spent more time with my husband,” she thought, searching for the cause of his betrayal within herself.
“Mom, stop grieving!” her son told her. “I saw Dad, and he isn’t upset at all. He walks around like a puffed-up turkey and even bought himself a new suit! And you? Just look at yourself. No new hairstyle, no manicure!”
Even her son had noticed how badly she had let herself go, although previously he had never cared whether the polish on his mother’s nails was fresh.
“Here, take this.”
He handed his mother several banknotes. Vova was already working and could afford to help her financially. Lena had never accepted money from her son before, but this time she decided to take it.
“If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“All right. Thank you, son.”
Lena made an appointment at a hair salon, bought some fabric for a new blouse, and selected a special perfume.
She loved changing fragrances whenever changes occurred in her life. This scent was fresh, like a sea breeze. Lena enjoyed dreaming while generously spraying herself with perfume.
Perhaps that was why she met Vasily.
“You have such an unusual scent,” he said while they were riding the bus.
Elena even blushed with embarrassment. She frantically tried to remember whether she had forgotten to apply deodorant that morning, but fortunately, the man continued:
“It smells wonderful. What perfume is it?”
“You like it?” she asked with relief.
It was not that she was particularly interested in his opinion, but at that moment, it was very important to her to appear well-groomed in the eyes of others.
“Yes! I work in a perfume store, and I’ve never smelled anything like it.”
“It’s a personalized restorative fragrance. It was made especially for me, so to speak. It contains several different oils that match my current mood.”
“Now I understand why I’ve never encountered anything similar before.”
“And are you… a perfumer?”
“In a way, yes. My name is Vasily. What’s yours?”
“My name is Elena. Oh! I nearly missed my stop!”
She sprang from her seat and rushed toward the exit. Fortunately, she managed to get off in time.
She did not think about the stranger again until she met him on the bus once more.
“Oh, Lena! Good morning!”
“Good morning.”
“You know, I noticed you quite a while ago.”
Elena tensed.
“Please don’t think anything bad. It’s simply not every day that you see such an interesting woman on a bus.”
“My husband used to drive me to work.”
“And now?”
“We’re divorced.”
“In that case, you’re not only interesting, but also single?”
Elena shrugged. Her stop was approaching.
“Give me your phone number. I’m leaving tomorrow on business for another city, and I don’t want to lose contact with you.”
Elena looked at Vasily, lowered her gaze to the toes of her shoes, and then looked at him again.
Without knowing why, she quickly dictated her number.
Vasily called a week later. Lena had spent the entire week thinking and wondering whether he would call, and finally, he did.
“I’d like to invite you on a date.”
“Then invite me.”
“Come to my place. Here’s the address.”
“But that isn’t in Moscow.”
“Yes, I live in the suburbs. I moved there because of certain circumstances. My ex-wife decided that she and our son needed the apartment.”
“I see.”
“Does that bother you? There are commuter trains, and I’ll meet you at the station.”
“I need to think about it.”
“All right. I’m not rushing you.”
Elena did not think for very long.
After once again looking around her empty room and talking to her cactus, she entered the address into her navigation app and planned the route.
Vasily met her at the station, just as he had promised. He did not bring flowers, but he did pay for a taxi.
“Where are we going?” Lena asked.
“To my place.”
“Just like that?”
“Why waste time and money? I have everything at home. Wine, a little salad my mother prepared, sausage, cheese…”
Lena looked at Vasily.
Her first impulse was to ask him to call a taxi and send her straight back to the station. But when she imagined herself walking into her empty apartment again, she quickly changed her mind.
“All right. But promise that you’ll take me back to the station whenever I ask. And there must be no attempts to pressure me into doing anything I don’t want to do.”
“Of course.”
Elena entered Vasily’s apartment with mixed feelings.
On the one hand, she hoped their meeting on the bus might prove to be something destined by fate. Perhaps this was her second chance.
On the other hand, a voice coming from the kitchen nearly destroyed all her hopes immediately.
“Vasya! Is that you?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Did you buy kefir?”
“No.”
“Why not? What am I supposed to eat my okroshka with?”
“Mom, I brought a guest.”
“A guest? A guest doesn’t go with okroshka. I need kefir.”
“Lena, come in and make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back. The store is in our building,” Vasily apologized.
Without waiting for her reply, he hurried out through the door.
Lena decided to walk toward the kitchen.
“Good afternoon.”
A woman in her seventies stood opposite her, wearing an apron. Her hair was gathered into a bun, and her small, dry facial features reminded Lena of the unpleasant old woman with a rat on a leash from one of her favorite animated films.
As though confirming Lena’s thoughts, a tiny dog resembling a rat suddenly dashed around the corner. The rat-dog began barking at Lena.
For some reason, Vasily’s mother did not seem to notice.
She merely examined Elena and appeared to be waiting for something.
“Hello!” Lena repeated, slightly louder.
“Good afternoon.”
“Could you please calm your dog down? I’m afraid it might bite me.”
“He is a member of our family, and he won’t bite you. This is how he shows that he is protecting his mistress.”
Lena did not know how to respond.
She decided that she would wait for Vasily in the hallway.
“What intentions do you have toward my son? Do you want to marry him?” the woman asked behind Lena’s back.
“I don’t have any intentions. He invited me to visit, so I came.”
“And here I am. Mommy, here’s your kefir. Lena, meet my mother, Larisa Nikolayevna. Baron, stop it!”
Vasily managed to ease the tension slightly.
“Well, shall we sit down at the table?”
“Wash your hands before sitting down to eat!” Larisa Nikolayevna commanded. “And anyway, how can we sit down before Alexander arrives?”
“Who is Alexander?” Lena asked quietly.
“Sashka is my son. I’ll call him now.”
The boy did not answer the phone. After several minutes of pointless arguing, they decided not to wait for him.
Finally, Elena was invited to sit at the table.
The table was not exactly overflowing with food. Besides the okroshka, there were slices of dried-out cheese, suspicious-looking sausage, and a great deal of bread.
Instead of the promised wine, a bag of kefir stood at the head of the table.
“So, you’re divorced?” Larisa Nikolayevna asked.
“Yes.”
“Why did your husband leave you? Although, don’t answer. I can probably guess.”
“And why do you think he left?”
“He found someone young and beautiful, didn’t he? Why would anyone want to live with old women like us?”
Vasya’s mother gave a hoarse laugh.
“I’m still a long way from being old. I’m not even retired yet,” Lena said, blushing.
“You work? Well, at least that’s one advantage. What do you do? I hope your salary is good. In our household, we have a rule: all the money goes to me. Then I make sure it is safely saved.”
“Vasily, you said that you worked as a perfumer,” Lena said, deciding to address Vasya so she would not have to listen to the nonsense coming from her prospective mother-in-law.
“A perfumer?”
Larisa Nikolayevna nearly fell off her chair with laughter. Her laugh was so creaky and hoarse that it was impossible to tell whether she was amused or dying.
“Vasya, a perfumer! Ha-ha-ha!”
“What? Isn’t it true?” Elena raised an eyebrow.
“He’s a security guard in a general-goods store.”
“What about the perfume?”
“We also sell perfume and cosmetics, along with various household products,” he admitted.
“I see.”
“And I suppose you thought you’d hit the jackpot!” Larisa Nikolayevna continued. “Oh, I can’t breathe! Vasya, the perfumer! With his education and his health, he’s lucky anyone hired him as a security guard! By the way, are you healthy? Do you have any chronic illnesses? Actually, don’t answer. I wouldn’t believe your word anyway. You’ll bring me all your medical certificates. I need to know that you aren’t going to infect me with anything.”
Throughout the entire meal, Lena sat as though on pins and needles.
She had no easy way to leave, but she did not want to remain there either. To make matters worse, the chair they had given her creaked and was terribly uncomfortable.
The guest refused the “main course” and asked for tea.
“We’ll have tea after the meal. Nobody drinks tea first!” Larisa Nikolayevna snapped.
“Why aren’t you eating the okroshka?” Vasily asked.
“I don’t like it.”
Lena could not understand how anyone could eat pickled cucumbers, sausage, and onions covered with kefir or kvass.
“What do you like?”
“Olivier salad.”
“That’s practically the same thing as okroshka,” Larisa Nikolayevna scoffed. “And anyway, people don’t visit someone’s home empty-handed. You should have brought your Olivier salad with you. Then we could have evaluated your cooking abilities.”
“Lenochka, what do you like to cook?” Vasily asked.
“I like cooking everything. Cooking is my passion.”
“Perhaps you could demonstrate something for us?”
Before Lena could answer, the doorbell rang.
Vasily’s son had arrived.
“Hey, Grandma! Hi, Dad!”
The teenager sat down at the table without paying any attention to Elena.
“Lena, don’t just sit there! Can’t you see that the young man has arrived? He needs a clean plate and cutlery,” Larisa Nikolayevna declared, looking expectantly at the guest.
“Excuse me?”
“There’s nothing to excuse. Go to the kitchen, bring everything I told you to bring, and be quick about it!” Vasily’s mother repeated more sternly.
“Me?”
“You!”
Elena was stunned.
“And take our dirty plates with you while you’re at it. Wash the dishes, dry them thoroughly, and bring them back. We haven’t finished eating yet.”
Lena stood, gathered the dishes, and carried them into the kitchen.
She had no intention of washing them.
The entire situation felt like some kind of practical joke. While she was trying to decide what to do, Vasya appeared in the kitchen.
“Listen, Lena… Since you said you like cooking, could you quickly make something to go with tea? Perhaps some fritters? Something simple and fast. Sashka doesn’t like okroshka either, and something has been wrong with Mother lately. Every day she demands kefir and okroshka.”
“I noticed her rather unusual behavior.”
“Don’t pay any attention to her, Lena. You’ll get used to it.”
“I’m afraid I won’t.”
“What’s taking you so long in there?” Larisa Nikolayevna shouted irritably. “Lena! How long does it take to bring one simple plate? You’re the kind of person who could be sent to fetch death itself, and even then you’d take forever! He brought home some pathetic nobody! Rude and completely useless around the house! What good is a wife who can’t even bring someone a fork?”
Lena did not answer.
She looked pityingly at Vasily, whom she had not particularly liked in the first place. Then, after thanking him for the “romantic” dinner, she headed for the door.
“Lena, what about the fritters?”
“Another time.”
“What? Is she leaving already?” Vasily’s mother noticed the noise in the hallway and heard the dog barking. “She has absolutely no sense of manners! She came here, ate our food, and now she’s leaving immediately! Where do you find such shameless women, Vasily?”
“Mom…”
“Goodbye, Larisa Nikolayevna,” Elena said.
Without looking back, she hurried away.
At home, silence and peace were waiting for her.
“Oh, how wonderful this is! I’m the mistress of my own home! I can eat jam whenever I want, and if I want fritters… I simply won’t make them!”
She looked around the room: her favorite sofa, the chair with its soft upholstery, and her beloved cactus.
What else did she need to be happy?
Perhaps only a little kitten.
Vasya called several times and tried to suggest various ways they might continue seeing each other. Once, he even waited for her at the bus stop.
But Elena refused to continue their strange relationship.
Lena now understood clearly that desperately clinging to a man was a thankless pursuit.
It was far better to be alone than to live with a prospective mother-in-law and her relatives, all of whom seemed to have an entire army of cockroaches running through their heads.